AP U.S. Anxiety (Parody of In My Head by Jason DeRulo)

A 15-minute reading period (oh, oh)
30 minutes to write: are you serious?! (oh, oh)
Question's on the Cold War, got no clue (oh, oh)
My nerves are on, will I pull through? (oh, oh)

To plan my response
Say the word and I'll start
I'll analyze documents,
Break 'em apart
Just five paragraphs
To show that I'm smart
I see what's going down, going down

In my head
I see my thesis plain and clear
In my head
I've got a DBQ to fear
In my head
I'm screaming no!!!
In my head I see it going down
I see it going down

First I should make a list of what I know (oh, oh)
Ain't there a Vietnam dude named Ho? (oh, oh)
I'll find some quotes to fill up this space (oh, oh)
Time's pushing me to pick up my pace (oh, oh)

To plan my response
Say the word and I'll start
I'll analyze documents,
Break 'em apart
Just five paragraphs
To show that I'm smart
I see what's going down, going down

In my head
A perfect 9's my fantasy
In my head
A year's worth of U.S. History
In my head
I'm screaming no!!!
In my head I see it going down
I see it going down

Sweet Sixteen

Today's my birthday...
Actually yesterday
4:06 PM.

(That's because China
Is 12 hours ahead of us)

I cannot believe
That I'm sixteen already.
I feel so so old...

I often wonder
How I came about because
Of the "one child rule."

My birth parents knew.
Did they just really like sex?
Haha... on a rice paddy...

Or did they plan to
Send a fortunate girl to
The United States?

Anyhow, I'm so
Grateful to not live in a
Communist country!

AP Calculus Anxiety (Parody of Tik Tok by Ke$ha)

Wake up in the morning feeling like Descartes.
Grab my pencil, I’m out the door, I’m gonna have a party.
Clear out the rain, fill my brain with a li’l bit o’ math,
‘Cause I want a FIVE: AP, feel my wrath!

Don’t wanna one, two, three, or four, four.
Work? I gotta show some more, more,
So I can get a higher score, score…
I’m choosing A B C D or E.
Free response drives me crazy.
My calculator better not die… on… me…

Don’t stop, I’m on top!
Proctor, let us work, shut up!
Today, I’mma play
Those integrals with no delay…
Tick tock, on the clock:
I won’t quit ‘till time is up, no…
(Repeat)

Ain’t got a book on my desk, just myself in a chair.
Ain’t got no cheat sheet in my pocket, but I’m already there.
And now the nerds are a mess ‘cause they hear that test’s hard,
But

With an absolute max at (1,1)
Derivatives are so much fun, fun!
At related rates I come undone…

Mean Value Theorem shows up and we freak out
Or the Shell Method shuts us down, down
Shell Method shuts us down, down

Don’t stop, I’m on top!
Proctor, let us work, shut up!
Today, I’mma play
Those integrals with no delay…
Tick tock, on the clock:
I won’t quit ‘till time is up, no…
(Repeat)

Exam, you stress me out,
I fill you in
That answer sheet makes my head spin…
I’m thinking hard
Can’t focus, oh,
My brain hurts: yeah, now you got me…
(Repeat)

Now the exam don't start 'till I walk in:

Don’t stop, I’m on top!
Proctor, let us work, shut up!
Today, I’mma play
Those integrals with no delay…
Tick tock, on the clock:
I won’t quit ‘till time is up, no…

"Is Hannah HIGH?"

Walking...  walking...  onto the court...

I stop.
I grab a
              can.  A can of fresh
                                     new
                                     green
                                     soft
                                     resilient
                                     clean
                                     tennis balls.

I reach for the lid.

Snap!
         Goes the plastic.
My finger slips under the aluminum ring.

Crack!
         Goes the seal.

The can...
Decompresses...  with a deep
                                       slow
                                       sucking
                                       noise.

The smell that comes out
Is
Exhilarating.

Stuff...

Things are looking up!
Quarter three is over now;
I might have all As??

No more "depression,"
Though I have yet to finish
That (damn) term paper...

Vacation's so soon
And I'm surely making time
For my dearest boy!

In the near future,
I see a multitude of
Balls.  Green and fuzzy.

That struck a weird chord.
I may elaborate, so
Tune into next post!

Emotions: Round #2

Have you ever heard the
Expression about the duck
Swimming gracefully?

But underneath the
Surface, its feet are paddling
Hard to keep afloat?

So difficult it
Is to stay balanced as the
Water currents push.

Every time she thinks
She’s secure, clutching to a
Cattail, the wind comes.

Torn away, the duck
Must realize there’s nothing
That can sustain her…

… But herself.

Emotions: Round #1

Two's a pair and three's
A crowd, but one's just lonely.
We're a two-plus-one.

You always see bikes,
Not tricycles anymore.
(Efficient peddling…)

One wheel: a spare part
Only welcomed when others
Go flat. I hate this.

Once the pair’s restored,
The spare is pushed off behind,
Left sitting alone.

The view is better
When traveling in tandem,
But I can’t force myself in.

The road may be rough;
I might lose my balance but
I’ll just roll solo.